The many foster parents who work with ACI-Dungarvin in North Carolina provide licensed, safe and loving homes for children who live apart from their parents due to abuse, neglect or other circumstances. As we celebrate National Foster Care Month this May, it’s a perfect time to shine a spotlight on two standout Dungarvin Foster Care parents: Maryanne and David Bufford.
The Buffords have worked with Dungarvin for 13 years to foster children in their Jacksonville, N.C. home. Over this time, they have adopted five of those children.
Maryanne and David are patient, understanding parents, and are very involved in giving back to their community. In fact, they recently won the Mount Carmel Lifetime Achievement Award for organizing food drives and delivering food to needy families during the last eight years. They also helped families during the COVID-19 pandemic by providing transportation and helping people with disabilities with home repairs.
The following is a Q&A with Maryanne about the couple’s lives as foster care parents.
Suzanne Craig: Please give a brief summary of the children you’ve fostered and adopted.
Maryanne: Over the years, we fostered and adopted five girls. In 2015, we adopted a sibling group of four after they had been in foster care for two years. In 2016, we adopted our fifth daughter, who has an intellectual and developmental disability.
Who are you fostering in your home today?
We’re currently fostering 8-year-old twin sisters, who are in the process of adopting, as well as a 14-month-old baby girl.
What motivated you to want to be foster parents?
When I was a child, I was in foster care for three years, and I was adopted at age 7. Also, my mother was a foster parent for 40 years, so I grew up with a lot of foster children around.
Maryann and David won the Mount Carmel Lifetime Achievement Award in North Carolina for their eight years of helping families in need of food.
What do you enjoy about being foster parents and providing a home for these children?
We have a foundation of love in our hearts. Fostering isn’t a job; it’s a purpose. It’s our ministry to help keep children safe and loved. If you don’t have that mindset, you can get burned out.
Also, I love adoption. It’s a long-term commitment of love. Every child who has wanted to stay, we have adopted. Even if they can’t stay, we still try to remain connected. One child we fostered still calls us to talk — he’s now 28 years old. We have a foundation of love in our hearts.
Are there any challenges in being a foster care provider?
One of the biggest challenges is figuring out how to connect with a child when they first arrive. Shared parenting is important because it helps create a bond with the child and builds trust, if possible, among everyone involved (the birth parent, the child, and the foster parent). Even after 13 years, the birth mother of the fifth child we adopted still contacts us. We share updates and pictures, and she knows what’s going on with her child — down to the medications she takes.
Another challenge is letting go when a child reunifies and goes back home. If shared parenting went well, it can help because we can receive updates on the child.
Not getting enough sleep is also challenging, as well as keeping everything organized. The older children help with organization and teach the younger children. We all work together as a family.
With all these challenges, how do you take care of yourself?
I go out about three times a week for lunch with friends and get a massage twice a month. My husband does crafts in his wood shop and mows the grass. He also takes some quiet time for himself. It’s important to give yourself permission to mute the phone and shut down.
What advice might you have for others who are considering becoming foster parents?
Know your family and who you’re willing to welcome into your home, and make sure it’s a good fit. Love the child as your own, even if they may not be in your home for a long time. Once a child is in our home, that child is our child — not “just” a foster child. Never feel like you have to explain your family. Our house is a house of nations, with different races and cultures, and sometimes people will look at you strangely or ask questions.
To learn more about Family Foster Care services at ACI-Dungarvin in North Carolina, please visit www.Dungarvin.com.